XII. (as slow as possible)
Cubao, I am killing myself
trying to make
a monastery of you. (Here
&impossibly human–) Your
tricycles &processions,
your stray dogs &their songs–
Mercy me. In this hour
of hours (impossibly hallowed)–
I speak to the Lord,
&Listen to the birds,
&catch myself dying
again &again.
I say: I know, as your child,
I was born in destruction’s way–
But look at me:
How dare I survive
as slowly
as this? Immolation after
immolation: my days held
between every attempt
at greatness &at death.
Hold me. I am nothing
but a child,
19, &kissing pain.
I’ve been praying
the rosary
everyday
&living everyday
like a rosary.
Protracted
as a poem,
(protracted
as a war.)
trying to make
a monastery of you. (Here
&impossibly human–) Your
tricycles &processions,
your stray dogs &their songs–
Mercy me. In this hour
of hours (impossibly hallowed)–
I speak to the Lord,
&Listen to the birds,
&catch myself dying
again &again.
I say: I know, as your child,
I was born in destruction’s way–
But look at me:
How dare I survive
as slowly
as this? Immolation after
immolation: my days held
between every attempt
at greatness &at death.
Hold me. I am nothing
but a child,
19, &kissing pain.
I’ve been praying
the rosary
everyday
&living everyday
like a rosary.
Protracted
as a poem,
(protracted
as a war.)
About the Author
March Abuyuan-Llanes is a self-taught 19-year-old poet from Quezon City, Philippines. Fixated on contradiction, locality, and the occult, they write poetry, divine visions, and fanfiction about death/desire, imperialism, and gender. They have work in surfaces.cx, Ilahás Literary Journal, Olney Magazine, and elsewhere. They edited LIGÁW anthology, an anthology zine of militant poetry from emerging LGBTQ+ poets from the Philippines. They dream of one day playing a Vivaldi recorder concerto for their friends after the revolution. You may follow them on Twitter and Instagram @magmartsa and find more of their work on magmartsa.neocities.org/writing.html.