I’ve always been afraid of things I can’t control. Afraid of not knowing what will happen. Afraid of taking a leap of faith and trusting that it will all be okay. I rarely appreciate the good things because there’s always a voice in the back of my mind saying that it’s all temporary. A voice that’s saying something bad’s going to happen when something good does.
And maybe that really is how life works. Maybe sometimes, there are uncertainties in life and you lose every good thing you know. Maybe sometimes, you lose your way and you lose yourself. And maybe sometimes, it’ll just suck. It’s hard to let go of the fact that I don’t know how things will go. It’s hard to accept that everything could be alright and in just a moment’s time, I lose what I love. But maybe that’s what makes everything worthwhile. It makes you cherish the things you have right now because you never know what tomorrow holds. It makes you live a life without regrets.
This isn’t me telling you to hope that everything will be okay. Sometimes, hope isn’t what we need. Sometimes what we need is acceptance. It’s peace in knowing that not everything will be ok. Peace in knowing that sometimes, there’s nothing you could’ve done to prevent it.
Regardless of how things are, I made it to a new year. We all did. Despite the uncertainties and adversities, we made it. And I know there will be a lot of ups and downs this year. A lot of sleepless nights watching Brooklyn 99 while crying and eating ice cream. That’s a certainty. But maybe we’ll be okay. Maybe we’ll still be able to meet the next year. And the years after that. I know things will suck, but I also know we’re not alone.
I’m really glad you’re here. Thank you for living.
Haven Pua is a 16 year old living in San Mateo, Philippines. Aside from writing, her other passions include digital art, dancing, and clay sculpting. You can find her at @journalofhaji on Instagram.